a plethera of thoughts.

The world has become my blank canvas.But I am not confident enough to call it my own and color it with my dreams and aspirations.The world is bleak,and lackluster.You try so hard to be happy when in a blink of an eye you know it will be sad again.Then why do we keep living,only to wait around for something wrong to happen.As a fresh graduate out of high school,I realize if something goes wrong in my life,if I dont make it,it is no longer my counslers fault or the losers that clog up the halls,it is now my fault.I no longer have a scapegoat.I am going to be a broom pusher my whole life.So many goals but not enough determination.I only have a camera to my name.And trying to start were I want to go.Going to college to get that degree for who knows what,finding that job that will put me in the right direction for who knows what dream.Right now just like my past senior year, it has been filled with unhappiness.I was around people just to pass the time even though I detested.I worked somewhat hard for nothing,and just wasted my life away.If only I could settle on becoming a hermit.Actually I wish I could settle on something.Uncertanity is rather annoying.Not knowing what you want out of life and yourself.And from here I go on,living each day like the past,with barely a smile and slouched posture,replaying a switchfoot verse in my head and answering it the same way "Are you who you want to be?" and my answer continues to be "no"...